Thanks to an amazing conversation with Amber Gustafson of Amber Events I have been inspired to start sharing with you some of the wedding etiquette questions I receive in my inbox.  My hope is that these questions and answers will help you find solutions and helpful advice to your own questions.  My aim is for you to have a successful, hassle-free wedding season.

1- Monica’s Maid Of Honor Wedding Toast Question:

Elle, My sister is getting married in Germany next month. It will only be the civil ceremony and then dinner with her friends and new family. My question is, do I have to give a speech during dinner? Where do I find a speech?

Elle’s Answer:

Monica, I think if you want to say something from the heart you should. Or, if there is a poem - or song - about love that has meaning for you maybe think to read it aloud. But it is ultimately up to you. Perhaps before you head to Germany you should ask your sister if she wants you to say anything. I am sure it would mean something to her and the conversation will help you find an answer.

2- Bride Jackie’s Engagement Party Gift Registry Question:

Elle, My fiance and I are hosting an engagement party cocktail party and I was advised by a co-worker that I should set up a registry for engagement presents since a number of our work friends inquired about where we were registered.  I didn’t want to register for engagement gifts since I didn’t want anyone to feel the need to get us a gift, but my friend pointed out that in order to avoid receiving anything random and maybe useless, I should at least consider registering for some gifts so at least we will receive things we might actually want. 

But what do we put on it? Is it a different price point to the wedding registry? Should it in some way be equated to how much we’re spending on each person in order to have the engagement cocktail party?

Elle’s Answer:

Jackie, when it comes to engagement party gift etiquette, I can share with you what I know.  You absolutely do not need to be registered anywhere, and technically no one is expected to bring a present. But, usually friends and family will want to congratulate you with a gift, so yes, you will be asked at which stores you have registered for gifts. 

So while it may seem funny to you to register for an engagement party, your friend might be on to something. It is definitely convenient for guests (and it will probably save you the hassle of getting “random and useless” gifts) and it might even help you and your fiance start the registry process. If you do decide to register for gifts feel free to register for anything you like but do not equate the cost of a gift to the cost per head at your engagement party.

As far as appropriate, non-registry gift, I will say that nice wine, picture frames, card boxes and photo albums are all totally nice, wonderful and useful. Also, as far as invitation etiquette is concerned, you are really not supposed to write on anything, anywhere where you are registered.  If people ask, you can tell them.

I hope you found these reader questions helpful and should you too have any wedding etiquette concerns, please feel free to email me at solutions@surviveweddingseason.com. Your attendance is appreciated, Elle  

Related topics:

1. To Bring A Date Or Not To Bring A Date by Vicky Choy  
2. How To Fly Solo At A Weddingby Shula Melamed
3. Best Wishes Bride. Congratulations Groom.
4. SWS’s New Pick For An Engagement Gift: A Wine Aerator
5. Expert Survival Tip: What To Expect At A Rehearsal Dinner by Kathy Goodman
6. Bad Guest Etiquette: Asking About The Rehearsal Dinner

Have a great wedding survival tip to share with the Survive Wedding Season community? Email your tips to solutions@surviveweddingseason.com.

Your Attendance Is Appreciated! ^™ 

In honor of Valentine’s Day, our latest Wedding Guest Survival Tip comes from Manhattan-based relationship consultant, Shula Melamed. Shula holds a B.S. in Communication from Boston University and a M.A. in Psychology from the New School for Social Research. It is from a variety of experiences, not only academic, but also professional and social, that allow Shula to speak on the topic of relationships. In this case, how to survive - and enjoy - wedding season without a date.

After years of planning singles parties, writing personal ads, and traveling the country on bachelorette searches for one of New York City’s premiere, upscale matchmakers, Shula decided to pursue a more academic path towards her growing interest in the individual and social dynamics of interpersonal relationships. Shula also works as a dating consultant for First Impressions Consulting, LLC. where she provides simulated dates and behavioral feedback for clients with social impression management issues.

From Shula:

Whether you have just broken up with your usual plus one, you are happily single in spite of what your grandmother might think, or you are dating someone casually that you are not quite sure about inviting, before you make like Debra Messing in that horrible movie where she hires a hunky male prostitute (played by the hunky Dermott Mulroney, who she of course, SPOILER ALERT falls in love with) please consider the reasons flying solo may be your best option.

Scenario #1: You just broke up with someone:

You might think a wedding is the last place you would want to be. You start thinking about how you can’t seem to make any relationship work. Perhaps you were wrong and so-and-so the ex was the one for you, and depending on the length and seriousness of your former relationship perhaps this is the first solo public event to deal with. Yes it is true you couldn’t make the relationship work - with that person.

Do not take the opportunity to meet new people for granted by becoming intoxicated by the fumes of nostalgia. As wonderful as so-and-so was the relationship ended for a reason. Reflect on that and go meet some people!

First solo event? Enjoy navigating the room and meeting with friends old and new. Sometimes when one has been in a relationship for a long time it is common to fall out of touch with peripheral friends and acquaintances. Who knows, they could introduce you to your next so-and-so.

Scenario #2: You are happily single:

When you are at a wedding it is customary for guests to speculate on the romantic status of other guests. If you are happily single the potential of finding yourself fielding questions as to when you too plan on tying the knot is very salient. Let people know how happy you are with your career, passions, family, friends instead of going on the defense. If you are truly comfortable with your choice, own it.

Scenario #3 You are in a new, and uncertain, relationship:

It is tempting, especially when one has been single for a long time, to invite someone with whom you are in a fairly new relationship to a wedding. Inviting your new beau might be a great way to introduce them to many important people in your life, but does the idea of this person at your side for this big event make you feel less than excited? Pay attention to that intuition and hold off before telling them to dry clean their party clothes. Decide to go solo and wish your new guy was there? Use that intuition to help you push the relationship forward.

Although none of these scenarios would make a great romantic comedy starring Debra Messing, they are surefire tactics to protect you from any wedding date tragedy staring you.

Related topics:

1. To Bring A Date Or Not To Bring A Date by Vicky Choy  
2. Best Wishes Bride. Congratulations Groom.
3. How To Not Attend A Wedding
4. What To Expect At A Quaker Wedding
5. Expert Survival Tip: What To Expect At A Rehearsal Dinner by Kathy Goodman
6. Bad Guest Etiquette: Asking About The Rehearsal Dinner

Have a great wedding survival tip to share with the Survive Wedding Season community? Email your tips to solutions@surviveweddingseason.com.

Your Attendance Is Appreciated! ^™